If you read my �classic� entry last week, you�d see that I was once very critical of the Valentines holiday. I�ve lightened up a bit since then, that is, until yesterday.

I once heard that Knoxville is ranked third, behind N.Y.C. and L.A., as having the most restaurants per capita. I assumed I would be able to make reservations a week in advance. After calling several, I only had success at a mid-level, chain eatery that asked me to call three hours before I arrived for �advanced seating.� I began calling at 3 PM only to reach two consecutive hours of busy signals. That was clever of the bastards to take the phone off the hook like that. So, at 5:00, I was driving like a madman, scouting for an opening, to notice that even the parking lot of the NASCAR-Dad establishment, The Texas Roadhouse, was overflowing with Fords and Chevys. I knew I was fucked.

She suggested a steakhouse that did not take reservations. Cops directed us to a parking space. My hopes rose as the receptionist suggested that there would only be a 30 to 40 minute wait. 90 minutes later our name was called. She was going to be late to a boring-ass Shakespearian play. We had to get the grub to go, and sit through the dreary, 3-hour recital with empty stomachs. Next year we�re either going out on the 13th, or it�s grilled-cheese at my place.

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Speaking of Shakespeare, like that dumb �Cool Guys� project, I�m cutting the "Classic Guy Smiley" biz. So enjoy this final edition� if you can:

Flashback! � Classic Guy Smiley

What was on my mind (roughly) 10 years ago?

March 23, 1994
Topic: Casting Julius Caesar
I orginally planned to use professional actors in the casting of a Julius Caesar Move. But because most of the famous people I know are in the music field I decided to make a Julius Caesar Rock Opera. The main caracters are: Caesar played by David Bowie, Brutus played by Phil Collins, Antony played by Simon LeBon, and Cassius played by Peter Gabriel. The first act has a musical number titled �Beware!� which is sung by David Gahan who has a small role as the Soothsayer. Then David Bowie and Simon LeBon sing a duet, which sounds simular to a Duran Duran hit, but this time it is adapted to �Lean And Hungry Look.� Something happens in act two which might take the viewing audience off guard. The original Shakespear theater had no women actors. Instead they just dressed men in womens clothing. So, I decided to have Calpurnia be played by Boy George. She (he) sings a slow tune to David Bowie titled �The Death of Princes.� Act three has three musical numbers. The first is performed by Bowie right before he is killed. It is titled �Prayers Would Move me.� Then, after Phil Collins finishes Bowie off, Cinna (who is played by rocker Billy Idol) bursts into a punk song titled �Liberty! Freedom! Tyranny Is Dead!� Finally, Simon LeBon performs his famous speech in a number titled �An Honorable Man.� In act four we see Peter Gabriel argue with Phil in a song called �Did I Say Better?� The fifth act closes the play tword an end with an enchanting ballad sung by Phil right before he kills himself. It is titled �I Owe More Tears.� This movie would go down in Rock and Roll history and would be placed with films such as The Who�s �Tommy� and Pink Floyed�s �The Wall.� Because the story is boring, it might not make a big profit in the theaters, but it would have a great soundtrack.

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